I'm such a dumbass. I went and accidently screwed myself over really, really badly. And I think I may have lost someone I considered I good friend, and someone who had the potential to be a really good friend.
At the moment, I don't need advice, I don't need sympathies, I just need someone to gag my brain and make it so the last six hours never existed. Please?
I just need to get this out of my system before it gets to the point at which I snap and say far more than I want to be made public of this.
I've come to the conclusion that right now, I really need someone who I can tell everything, both good and bad, without having them laugh at me or tell me it's just me overreacting or thinking poorly of me or me annoying them with my problems.
In essence, a best friend. Something I haven't had for several years at this point. A few people come close, but none that close.
*sigh* Something's been brewing between me and a friend, only they don't realize it because they don't have my particular set of Issues or oversensitive nature. And Shoujocon kind of brought it out, but I was too high on con-energy to really notice. And now that I'm home, it's brought it out. And it's causing problems.
My shikifuku is more or less done. The Providence photoshoot rocked. More on that tomorrow though. Sleep now.
...Well, technically, yesterday and a bit of the day before, at this point.. However. I should really be asleep, and I'm only writing this because I get the feeling that if I don't, I'm going to stew over it today, and what is currently mostly me just feeling a bit put off will turn into psuedo-angst. This means, of course, that this is me being whiny. Stop now if you don't feel like dealing with it.
So. Evening before yesterday. Totally lost my temper over something so totally trivial that I'm too embarassed to say what. I do try and control it, but sometimes, it just doesn't work. Anyway. After that, I couldn't get any sleep. So I ended up with four hours of sleep, and a six to nine am shift.
On the subject of the job. Dear lord, why do people swim so early? There were three little old ladies waiting for me to open the door. I think they would have started to riot had I waited five minutes longer. Then there were the slightly scary old men, later (Dad, I don't mean you, alright?).
Of course, my boss tells me that the government sent my paperwork back because I didn't file a work permit with it. So I was supposed to get paid yesterday, but I didn't. And I did need that money.
Come home, found that my fabric still hadn't arrived. Talked to Su-kun, told her not to get herself killed. Guess what she almost does. You can read her version here, or take my short overview summary which is as follows - Car. Wet road. Telephone pole. You're all bright people, I assume you can figure it out. Before anyone asks, yeah, she's okay. Four stitches, mild concussion, and some bruises, but she was wandering around talking to me, so she'll be okay, I think. However, my nerves are understandibly a bit fried. I don't really deal with this sort of thing often (actually, this is just about the first time. Grace got hit by a car pulling out last year, but it was going slow, so she got up and rode her bike home from the ordeal. A bruise or two, nothing more). For the rest of my friends - please, please don't do anything stupid. Ever. I try to keep my sanity at a level where I can function in society, and people I consider decently close friends wrecking their cars and ending up at the hospital really does not help.
Okay. To try and steer away from the negative, I will say that she is a wonderful, wonderful person. Nice, helpful, and encouraging <3
*hugs Kamitra* Yep, that ones it. Granted, I found it yesterday morning before I checked the comments here, but thank you anyway ^^; I just kind of got dragged off to play tennis and then to work this morning, so I didn't get a chance to mention I found it.
For anyone who cares, it's this site, and this is the picture I was thinking of. Man, I love those outfits. Almost tempted to make them. We shall see ^^ Dunno if the artist would mind or not, and I don't think I could write up something in Japanese that would make enough sense to ask ^^;
In other X-related news, I have reached three conclusions:
1) I dislike a great many authors' portrayal of Fuuma. I have no idea if they're out of character or not, I just don't like them.
2) Tieing in with number one, I've yet to read to a Fuuma/Kakyou fic I seriously enjoyed. I think it's the combination of 1 plus the fact that I tend to find Kakyou kind of wishy-washy. He seriously has less of a life than Subaru. And he seems to be a bit more whiny about it.
3) Nataku is really underrated. And I'm not talking in the 'Oh, he's not one of the Big Four' sense. I'm talking in the 'out of the so-called Other!Dragons' sense. I think I've read more Kusangi fics than Nataku fics. I, personally, find the kid kinda cute. Ah well. Maybe I'll make a mini-site to him or something. Grace'd like that, she liked Nataku.
Also, I've been debating the age-old question of whether Seishirou is nuts or just stupid regarding the whole X16 stunt. I think its a bit of both - he was nuts enough to think Subaru wanted him dead, but stupid enough to believe himself on it.
And yeah, the X fandom jumped up and bit me hard. *thwapps Ari* This is your fault. You said there would be more Anarchy soon, and there isn't. *wants X fic*-
Okay, so I suddenly remember some Japanese X fanart site I saw a while back that had some absolutely lovely art, and I go looking to find it again. And...I can't. It's really driving me mad, because there were some great pictures, and I wanted to find them again. I thought it might have been S-PLEIADES, but looking through the gallery, it's not. All I can remember were that there were a few rather lovely S/S pics with them in really nice red and black outfits, that may have been done cel-style, can't quite remember.
Any ideas, anyone? I would really like to find it again.
Went costume-hunting with Grace and Chris today. Chris got a shirt for his Sorata outfit (movie-Sorata, actually), Grace grabbed a top and an awesome skirt for Karen (X18 outfit), and I snagged a nicer white shirt for my Seishirou, and a black turtleneck for her Subaru.
Grace and I also found this really sweet halter top on one of the racks at Goodwill. It's sort of bronze-brown silk, only it sort of shimmers purple in the right light. Beaded and patterned too. And it looked great on me. So I bought it, and I'm wearing it right now ^^
Note to self: Do not be a dumbass and forget to wish Jo a happy 21st on the 11th. Must not forget.
So, just got back from a free performance of Macbeth in Boston Common. It was most excellent. I think it might be my favorite Shakespearian play so far, although I don't have a lot to judge on as of yet.
Unfortunately, one of my mom's friends came with us. She's an english teacher. The first twenty minutes of the car ride back tempted me to scream 'Look, you're a nice lady, but I do not care whether you thought the director developed his theme well or not, I just want to enjoy the godamn play in peace!'
*cough* Sorry, had to get that out. Shall probably ramble more tomorrow, possibly after another good round of PotC ^^
